By MaryLou Bailey Are things not going as well as youd like in your life or at home? Its a common problem, but where is the answer for how to fix whats wrong? Almost all of our problems start right in our own heads. Over the years I have found a way to get to the heart of our problems and see ways to work it out. It all starts with you and your thinking. Follow the 6 steps discussed here and start to make important changes in your life and family. 1. This is the hardest one. Dont believe everything you think right now, because you can change what you think. This is truly what separates us from the animalsthe ability to think about what we are thinking. Just because you think something is so, does not make it true. If you think the world is flat, that does not change the fact that it is indeed round. If I think that someone is mad at me, that is only a reflection of what I think and really has no bearing at all on what the other person actually thinks. This brings to mind a bunch of teenagers who are tied up in who is thinking what and who said what to who. Sally thinks that Jake told Ben that he likes you. All of this speculation in no way reflects Jakes thoughts (or Sallys or Bens for that matter), but only the thoughts of the person speaking. So, when you talk to yourself, be careful of believing everything you think! 2. Ask yourself this question: What is my struggle? Try to put onto paper exactly what is bothering you. Write it out in objective, specific terms. Something is not right at home may be a gut feeling, but doesnt really define anything and will leave you bewildered. Make it specific to you –Im bored. I have no money. Im sick and tired of being sick and tired. 3. Now, ask yourself, What got me here? Write down everything you can think of that brought you to this point in your life. This isnt a blaming session, it is an open, honest look at your life, your reactions, your assumptions. Other questions to ask yourself to help in this part of the process areWhat do I hear? What do I see? and most importantly, What Do I tell myself? Pay particular attention to that last question and take the time that you need to honestly and objectively complete this step. 4. The next part makes you look for evidences, or fruits, of your thoughts. Here is the questionWhat are the physical, or tangible results or evidences of my thinking? How have you seen your way of thinking manifest itself in the real world. Be specific. 5. Now is the time to start to look for what you would like to see happen in your world. Be sure to write down the answer to this question too. How do I want to be? Or What do I want that is different? In this step describe what you want in the most vivid details. Use all of your senses in describing your desire. Its very important that you see this clearly. If you get going on this step and something inside your head says things like, That will never be. Dont be a dreamer. This is useless. Refer back to step number one. Your life absolutely CAN change, and it starts in your thoughts. Countless people have proven that over thousands of years, and just because you think its stupid does not make it so! Continue! Fight the thought and start to change everything! 6. After all the work youve done in steps 1-5 now its time to look for change. Here is the next vital question you must ask yourself and write the answersWhat thoughts and actions coincide with my new vision? What are you willing to do to bring about a change for yourself? These answers may take time and soul searching, but they are worth the effort. Decide on 3 to 5 things that you have written that you can begin to work on doing immediately. Write them down and start! You wont be perfect at first, thats okay, it may take long months for real change to bear fruits, but change will come if your persist. Id like to tell you about my own experience with these steps and a few life changes that have come because I did just what Im telling you to do. Three and half years ago I was flat on my back with a back injury that came about because I was over weight, over worked, and over stressed. My husband and three children set up a bed in the living room for me so I could be in the middle of things (and because I couldnt go up the stairs because my back was so bad). I could hardly even walk. I had neglected my health to the point that I was a 53 178 pound weakling. I was not used to sitting around and the fact that I had to stay in bed just about drove me crazy. My dear little four year old daughter had to go to a friend for day care for a week because I couldnt care for her. After four days of this misery, lying there, in pain, lonely for my kids, frustrated about all that was not getting done, I started to look at myself. I hadnt defined all of these steps yet, but when I look back I see that I did precisely as Im telling you to do. 1. Dont believe everything you thinkI have to take care of everyone and I dont have time to care for myself. Others deserve the care, not me. I dont need any help. 2. What is my struggle? Im hurting, Im fat, Im unhealthy, I cant take care of my family. 3. How did I get here? I always take time to care for everyone else, but never myself. I think I dont have time to care for me, and that I can just keep going like this. I eat junk. I dont exercise. I go to bed late and then, I dont sleep well. 4. What are the physical /tangible results? Here I am, unable to do anything. I can hardly care for myself, let alone anyone else. I felt sick inside seeing myself in this situation. Something happened inside of me and I said aloud, IM NOT LIVING LIKE THIS ANYMORE! I think I shocked myself a little bit when I heard it out loud. And I said it again, louder. 5. How do I want to be? I closed my eyes and began to imagine running in the yard, playing with my kids, pain free. I pictured myself, thin, fit, running. I saw hiking, swimmingactive. The more I thought of it, the more I wanted it. I started to feel hope again. I became absorbed in the vision of what I wantedthe smell of the outdoors, the warmth of the sunshine, the fresh air. 6. What thoughts and actions coincide with my new vision? I new I would need physical therapy. I had to eat healthy food and smaller portions. Once I was able, I had to exercise. I had to develop ways to gain will power. I needed to get more rest. I needed to ask for help more often. I had to set specific time aside for me to take care of myself. I wrote everything down. I still couldnt really get out of bed, but I started to say to myself, I am thin, healthy, and beautiful. I take care of me, and Im worth it. (I still say this to myself 3 years later.) By the next week I was able to start physical therapy. It was a long process, but in a few months I was able to go to the pool. I became more active. I started tracking everything I ate and developed my own system to count my food. I tried new foods. My whole family was willing to help. They helped me have the time to exercise everyday. I lost 25 pounds and felt better than I had in years. Then a year and half into my efforts I hit a setback. I was tired of eating right. I was bored with my food count. I lost motivation to keep at it. I gained back 15 pounds and could see that the scale was headed right back to where it had been. I was in the dumps and thought, Whats the use? Guess what I did? Same thingI defined the problem, looked at how Id gotten to this place, looked at the results, renewed my vision and set new goals. I mixed things up a little. I started a step aerobics class. I started to run a little. I bought a step counter (my secret weapon). I started using a different food counting system to give me a break from my old one. Basically, I did everything I had done before, but re-looked at it based on my new circumstances. I lost the 15 lbs. Id gained back, plus 10 more, for a total of 35 pounds (with the previous loss). I have 16 pounds to go to get to where I want to be. My back hardly hurts at all any more and last Saturday I spent the day scuba diving with my daughtersomething I would never have been able to do 3 years ago. The steps work! Change your thinking and your vision and change your life! MaryLou Bailey is the author of 3 books and numerous articles on all aspects of family health, wealth, and fun. Visit her web sites http://www.marylougames.com and http://www.healthyfamilyresource.com which delves into real life families, parenting, and what it takes to create healthy, wealthy, happy families of all types. 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